I find it so f*%$*ing hard to breath right now. I wish I could just shrug off everything from my shoulders and walk away. But that would only mean that I'm being oblivious to the fact that I have a problem and I do have a problem. It doesn't help knowing that because in the end all that ends up bringing is more anxiety. I want to so badly be able to fix things but at the moment everything feels like its spiraling out of control. I know all this started from me and I should fix things but somehow running away just seems like the easiest thing to do. Running far away to some place where I don't have to deal with my problems and can just evade having to deal wit them. Damn I wish it didn't sound and feel so much more appealing but it does. It felt great being able to just get away and breath even it was for just a little while. Forget everything, what I have to do daily , my responsibilities, my calling. It did feel good but that didn't mean it went well with my conscious. Somehow when its just yourself theres no problem in screwing up but when it involves a larger picture mainly involving people who are close to you and bear expectations of you it gets a little bit more complicated then that. So what if a bloody conscious is involved? How hard can it be to shrug it off? Very very very hard as Ive come to find out lately period. I shouldn't complain, Ive a pretty damn good life. As someone told me recently "you get paid to study " put simply that does kind off put it in perspective. Still doesn't make it any easier. I have to get my gig right and make it pronto else I risk getting sucked into a whole load of deeper shit. And that is goin to be an even bigger PROBLEM.
The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.
Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.
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