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Friday, May 28, 2010

ThOuGhTs...(@,@)

I cant remember how many countless times Ive said this. I'm sooooo sick, tired, exhausted, and, fed-up. But I shouldn't be complaining. Ive got it good. So why then cant I count my blessings and be thankful for what I have especially for the opportunities gifted to me. Worst of all why cant  I utilize them properly. Haih I need to pick myself and move forward. I cant afford to fall down and remain fallen especially when it feels like the entire world has bets laid out on that exactly happening. 


That aside another issue on my mind is how short life can get and how it can end so abruptly. The close call with burglar has left me feeling afraid and paranoid. It just doesn't feel safe anymore. Nothing does. Noises before were just plain everyday noises heard and merely dismissed but nowadays they send a spark of in my head. Sometimes I reenact the images of that day trying to put it in order and make sense of it. I play it over and over again in my head hoping that I could have done something different somewhere that might have changed the sequence of incidents and not leave me feeling so helpless. I'm thankful that things didn't get ugly for me that day but having everyone around me tell me that you were lucky to escape alive doesn't make me feel any better.

Although I hate to admit it I  think I'm still a lil shaken but all that hype has left me thinking that I haven't lived my life enough. So with little apprehensiveness I hope to embrace change. I'm not sure where or how to but somewhere and surely somehow. Hmmm maybe a visit someplace new. I've always wanted to travel somewhere, but never thought much of it because of the cost and time. I think nows the right time to start searching. Hmmmm and while we are on that I hope to pick up a new hobby. Not sure what though; maybe tennis or swimming; anything that will get me out the house and let me de-stress. Finally I will finish reading those tamil and hindi books I started ages ago but ditched over time. Most of all from now onwards I'm gonna try and take more chances. Yup I guess I will.


I hope and pray that from now onwards everything goes on fine. No more hiccups. Dear god let everything be good an work out well anddd I hope to manifest my new thoughts in to form.