Remember Me...?

”For he or she alone who walks that path will know how much it hurt, how their feet scorched from the burning heat, how the sharp pebbles pierced their skin, how the ware and tear tore at their flesh, how their bodies slowly broke down to bits and pieces before their own eyes, how their spirits were crushed little by little till non was left , and how much they appreciated having the importance of a destination ."

I remember writing this a long time ago to commemorate the memory of an incident that took place sometime back. Although I look back now and think that maybe it wasn't all that great a brouhaha and there is little I can recall from the events that lead me to write this, whenever I recall this sentence, I remember that at that time I was in great pain. I needed an outlet to secretly vent so I wrote this in a letter which  I posted in a blog post which only a few close friends knew about. At that time it felt right and somehow whoever read it understood what I was trying to say and reached out to me. 

Recently several new incidents took place in my life. Needless to say they were a whole string of very upsetting events but somehow I wasn't as upset or as grief stricken as I should have been.Under normal circumstances I would have been all over the place crying loud crisis instead here I was not running around amok. I found this lack of emotional affinity a little amusing and quite disturbing. Over the weeks I moved around and about as if nothing was happening although my life continued to be sucked into great turmoil. 

A few days ago I remembered this letter I wrote and tried to look it up again, I sought out the sentence and somehow now its gotten stuck in my head. It felt suitable to my current condition. After reading this sentence over and over again I am slowly beginning to realize that just because it doesn't hurt anymore it doesn't mean the pain has disappeared instead it just means that Ive gotten used to living with it and for what its worth I remember how it hurt, it hurt a lil lot like hell.

I remember how it felt....

Time will heal everything. It should and it does...sometimes. 
I sat down to do a lil reading in the mph yestadee and then I remembered how much I hated that place. I hated it because you could see everybody going in and out of the campus grounds. I especially hated the part where I saw people leaving and going home wishing to myself why couldn't that be me. Lectures used to be right up to 6pm and the travel home used to take at least 1.5 hours. 

To avoid the thoughts I would opt to sit in the library, reading room, cafe or not to mention the many other numerous lil nook and crannies around the campus however the cafe used to be always be crowded and the tables would be dirty, the reading room used to be crowded and noisy to the extent sometimes you couldn't even hear yourself think and the library well used to be so full that there was hardly any sitting place sometimes and the nook and crannies sometimes their there sometimes their not. So back to sad miserable mph where you've got ample sitting area fans that run at full speed but only blow hot air in your face, a patch of yellowing on the verge of dying green turf staring at you in the face begging for you to throw the leftovers in your water bottle to them and the flow of people walking in and out as they stomped their feet like their life depended on it. 

As I sat down yestadee it dawned on me how much it didn't feel like such a pain anymore instead it actually felt a lil nice.The early afternoon blazing sun had just set and the it was moving into the mild afternoon heat wave. A soft whistle of the air as it gushed in and out of narrow vents blew occasionally. The soft squeaking of the fan motor and the laud gushing of the fan blades as it swept the air around was calming. And even the green turf somehow didn't look so dead anymore maybe because of the light drizzle earlier. Either that or they were using grass dye. Anyhoo the point that I deduced at that very point was that I could change. I thought I wouldn't like it but now I'm okay with it. I then realized that there were so many other things and predispositions of my life that I disliked. What if I gave it time? Could I change the way I felt about them later? 


If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.  ~Mary Engelbreit

LiFealiciously tasty: written January 3rd, 2010

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” Bill Vaughn quotes

How is thous' life measured ohh wise one. Is it by the rattle sound of a full pocket of gold coins,..or a bustling social life filled with connections and endless engagements,..or a row of diplomas stapled to the wall bearing testament to academic feats,..or a successful and satisfying enough carrier to shove one out of the bed and into office,..or a broad mind filled with delightfully tasty experiences and adventures collected from travels around the world,..or by the right hands giving or doing which the left knows nothing about,,..or is it simply by the peaceful comfort received from knowing that the special one has been met, and love has been equally reciprocated.  HmMmMmMm And if so how close has the new year brought us to our innings or life accomplishments. Whatever or whichever it is that one chooses to measure the fullness of their life with, I hope it be filled with good prospects and even better opportunities. May all our life conquests be blessed with the beginning of the new year.”Happy New Year”.

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. Oprah Winfrey quotes