Inspirational>>>

Once a week I get inspired and feel alive every time during the same time for a duration of about 3-4 hours in the presence of the same company. This inspiration is more than the average help as it is my required dosage that helps me maintain my sanity and keeps me thinking straight in the wake of problems. My problem begins much later when the instigated inspiration wears off  from my body. What then do I do for the the next 6 days and +hours. How do I keep myself staying inspired to keep to the right track and stay on it. How do I keep the right frame of mind the rest of the week to decide and differentiate on whats wrong and whats right. Most of all how on earth do I keep the inspiration coming non-stop without having fallen and if so not failing to get up.

Someone wise will tell me to step up and find inspiration within. All that of course sounds very nice, except that its not. No I  don't find inspiration or at least the idea of it inside me intriguing and even if it is somewhere inside me wedged between my bloody organs Its hard to find because it chooses to stay hidden and otherwise quite frankly I think the whole idea is stupid to begin with. So in a bid to find a temporary solution to my problem I now avoid problems. How do I avoid it? I stay hidden at home. See, if I stay hidden indoors at home I wont have to go out and look for problems and therefore don't seek inspiration to have to face and fix anything. So my life instantly becomes easy. Now what happens if problems come finding me at my door step. Then Ill have no choice but to fix it then and there unwillingly of course but still at least in the comfort and security of my comfort zone.

So far this arrangement has worked out well for me and its all good. In a perfect world, self-exile would work really well for me and I'm all up for the idea "but" it has come to my attention lately that this is apparently not a way to live ones life mine being the one in question. So now I'm supposed to go out more often and find inspiration outside more often and face my problems more often. Again frankly I think its a whole load of humbug that makes sense in the wake of my sad denial. So while I enjoy reaping the benefits of being in self-exile by having not to motivate myself and face any problems and slowly disintegrate into a vegetable I will try to find a new way to keep inspired, Hopefully soon>>>

The ideal place for me is the one in which it is most natural to live as a foreigner.
Italo Calvino