Nice very the very nice(^>^)

I just realized something. Actually Ive know it for sometime now. I always assumed it as a part of my identity but instead of acting in my benefit, most times it turns out to behave in a manner that is disadvantageous. Still though I never really that it would affect me to such great length. So what could possibly be so distorted and wrong with me that my life is in despair.

"I'm just nice" or at least I try to be the nice guy a.k.a the loser dude. And one might wonder just as too how can being nice be a bad thing? Well it can when people assume your dispensable, replaceable, a close substitute, something that just wont make much noise even though they treat you like shit or even give you a whole load of shit. Its supposed to be okey cause all you'll ever do is squeak a little and eventually shut up. And if they spit out an apology in my  face I'll smile back, hug them and make peace like nothing ever happened. Nice ain't it.
 
Well NO its not very nice to be given a whole load of shit all the time. Especially when you get that kind of crap from the people whom you think actually gives a hoot or two about you. Its a bit disappointing but that pales in comparison to the pain and frustration that boils in me coming from seeing them behave in complete obliviousness to their actions. Its like their saying;" why its okey isn't it. I mean you should be used to this whole shit receiving end thing by now. Never mind cheer up, lets do lunch tomorrow." Makes me want to just stuff my yesterdays pair of jogging used sweaty foot adour soaked socks up their nostrils. Nevermind the fact that I'm going easy on em'  without the sneakers. But no instead me being Mr. Nice Guy,will politely and meekly say okey see you tomorrow.
 
Just when I think that it cant get any worse it does. If theres one thing I hate more than people who take advantage is that of those who offer you assistance then take the liberty to rub it in your face. The reason I throw accusations around with such conviction is simply because I don't do it. No I don't. I do offer help than forget the hell about it. So I really don't appreciate it when some ass offers help then be a pain of a whossy by whining about it endlessly. Especially when I started out alone and wasn't seeking help in the bloody first place .I just don't get it. It almost turns out to be like an investment and I as sure as hell ain't looking forward to knowing the returns I'm obliged to cave in to.

Im sick of it all. Sick of standing second if not last in line and being the 'compensated for' or 'leftover acceptor' simply because I'm just plain stupid and nice ...ohh wait its the same bloody thing isn't it. I despise people who play manipulative games in an attempt to secure their positions, even if it means they have to dance like a double headed snake. Makes me want to throw up the leftovers of my yesterdays lunch in their  faces but I cant. Why- cause its not me. I don't think I could do that sort of thing and sleep soundly at night. I think its called a conscious.

I wish I dint read between the lines so often. But when you've been surrounded by conniving people all your life it gets a bit difficult not too. The only advantage out of this is that over the years I have gotten a tad bit too used to this bloody mess and it gets easier to tell those of with ill intentions AND even then I let my guard down. Its tiring and exhausting and nowadays I just throw my hands in the air and walk away. I miss good nice people...Where the hell are you people?